@Clare_innit: It's fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.
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@fro_vo: KID: can i eat a tide pod MOM: no KID: this is bullshit MOM: don’t use foul language go wash your mouth out with soap this instant
@anildash: Shout out to everybody home for the holidays telling their family about conversations that happened online by saying "My, uh… friend said…"
@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
@proEXgirlfriend: Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet.