@ericsshadow: It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was "too much of a prude" is now a Catholic school teacher.
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@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.
@natedeschaine: How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany? #ThomasDieKleineLokomotive
@mdob11: Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!! Him: Ma'am please just take your pizza.
@Jesssicle: Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.