@TheMichaelRock: It’s funny how people rage in traffic on the way to work like they’ll be any happier once they get there.
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@Jandalize: On the Hot Wheels isle helping a friend pick out a sweet Corvette that she promised her 18yo for graduation. Life's all about the wording.
@WhatsHerFace33: "Operator, run this licence plate please Echo Alpha Tango Alpha Delta India Charlie Kilo" - Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
@AndrewNadeau0: WIFE: I said not to get a pet snak- ME: Secretary. WIFE: What? ME: He’s not a pet. He’s Secretary of Snake. WIFE: …Please don’t tell me his nam— ME: Kenny Hissinger.