@TheMichaelRock: It’s funny how people rage in traffic on the way to work like they’ll be any happier once they get there.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *gestures to the bellhop to take my bags to my room* Vanilla Ice: Yo man, I don't work here M: *slips him a five* VI: Right away sir
@geowizzacist: 3 (calls out): daddy I'm cleaning the floor with a mob. Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that's a mob
@roxiqt: Dudes always say they want a goth girlfriend until you accidentally turn into a bat in front of their mom.
@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.