@ItsLaTourette: It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side My roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing
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@FormerGrunt: My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.
@kristendrum: the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
@hythemafia: "Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."
@Duke1173: You're telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee... They don't put any booze in it or nothin?