@ItsLaTourette: It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side My roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing
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@WheelTod: [Couples' Counselling] Her: If he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches I'm leaving him Me (in tears): Please don't downsize our unit!
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm just a mom on winter break, standing in front of my kids' school asking, "HOW BIG OF A CHECK DO I NEED TO WRITE FOR YOU TO RE-OPEN?"
@IamEnidColeslaw: the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.