@ItsLaTourette: It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side My roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing
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@thepunningman: [date] Clark Kent: I propose a toast *they take their glasses off the table* Lois Lane: omg it's Supertable!
@PFitzpa: Please do not return empty candy wrappers to the dish. It leads to false expectations and uncontrollable rage.
@psybermonkey: Friend: you've been acting weird ever since you won that hundred dollars Me: what ever do you mean, old sport?
@Arbitral: Parents who are afraid that giving teenagers condoms will just ensure they have sex to use them have obviously never owned a bread maker.