@MableGertrude: It's funny how you become mom's new favorite when your sibling is in jail.
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@Reverend_Scott: Wife: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly! She's left handed."
@KenJennings: If you ever want to be bummed all day, think about how Jordan's national carrier is called "Royal Jordanian Airways" instead of "Air Jordan"
@AristotlesNZ: Me: My friend really likes you. Her: I'm a lesbian. Me: Ah ok... Her: ... Me: ... Her: ... Me: So... What part of Lesbia are you from?
@ericsshadow: No thanks Audi; I get all the uncompromised luxury I can handle by driving whatever car my wife thinks makes me look the most married.