@MableGertrude: It's funny how you become mom's new favorite when your sibling is in jail.
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@AudreyPorne: an attractive man on the internet called me pretty, so I sent him my finger nails in the mail. i'm so nervous lol what if he doesn't reply??
@phaggots: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Scorpio's drink water when they're thirsty" OMG THIS IS SO ME
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I love a man who likes to get a little crazy. ME: *trying to impress* I'm a psychopath.