@MableGertrude: It's funny how you think it's your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
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@nbadag: [me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you'll see a corgi in a bandana—he's not part of the tour but let's go get a closer look
@meganamram: I can't believe it's 2012 and street signals are still only telling white people to cross
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me "YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO." Brain: Perfect!