@causticbob: Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.
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@iLikeCatShirts: [Red Lobster] Waiter: we're offering Endless Shrimp. Me: bring me the endless shrimp <5 days later> Waiter: please leave, I have a family
@Velocycrator: Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot.
@SirEviscerate: *joins Buddhist monastery* *withstands 21 years of brutal kung-fu training* So, vending machine that didn't drop my funyuns. We meet again.