@1evilidiot: It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.
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@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
@philEfanaddict: [1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.