@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."
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@LurkAtHomeMom: How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck.
@TweetsByTheTony: [ouija board] Who are you? *board begins spelling* G-R-E-E-N--M-A-R-I-O What the -- a Luigi Board?! W-A-H-O-O--I-T-S-A--M-E
@Cravin4: Pro Tip: On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called "The Many Benefits of Kegels". Is not a great idea. I know this now.