@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."
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@PinkCamoTO: Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.
@XplodingUnicorn: Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro.
@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.