@TheCiscoKidder: It's hard to look like a badass when you're slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
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@krakkenlackin: Critics are raving about Mud. "It's like dirt but wet" says one. "Oh god it's in my eyes" says another
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: If you had to do it all over again, would you? Me: Yeah. Cw: You would? Why? Me: Because I know what the words "had to" means.
@Playing_Dad: [Divorce court] Judge: The reason you're divorcing is "he's annoying?" Wife: He pronounces “yikes” like “Nike" J: Baliff, throw him in jail