@ActingAnEejit: It's illegal to tie your children to things but you can basically do the same by buying them a phone with a short charger and a bad battery.
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@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"
@AlexRogaski: [God making African animals] Screw it. Just put stripes on a horse, make that water lizard really big, and put spots on a really tall deer.