@bourgeoisalien: It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go
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@simoncholland: You can just start calling yourself an olympic hopeful. You don't have to fill out a form or anything.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: what’s your greatest strength? ME: I’m good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?
@primawesome: Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich.
@ericonederful: Fellas, If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex. P.S. Bring a spider.