@samalmightysam: "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Ggrraadrttgrrtrr." said Chewbacca.
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@EndhooS: [Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.
@DirtMcTurd: *Pulls up to drive-thru window* "Extra toilet paper please" Do you mean napkins? "Sure, whatever"
@TheGladStork: Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can "work from home", don't use air quotes.