@GregDorris: It's impossible to have an *ok* time on a trampoline. It's either the most fun you've ever had or you go to the hospital.
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@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
@Lisabug74: In my trunk is a tire iron, a box of human hair, and a bottle of Grey Goose. I'm always prepared for an impromptu crime scene tampering.
@XplodingUnicorn: Tonight's parenting lesson: If a 2-year-old says, "I'm going to puke," FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF. I need a shower.
@StinkyGr33n: 🎵Whooooaaaa, I'm halfway therrreee WHOOOAAAA, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRRR Take this wig, we'll fake it I swearrrrr WHOAOHH, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRR🎶