@mjkspeaks: It's impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.
@Fickle_Filly: There you go again, overusing big words like some kind of tweeting sesquipedalian. Idiot.
@only_one_ee: Trainer: OK this week we are cutting carbs. Me: Wait, what - even macaroni & cheese? Trainer: Ya. Me: ...I think we should see other people.
@Vodkantots: I'm incredibly flattered that my therapist thinks I should be in anger management. I've never even held an entry-level position.