@mjkspeaks: It's impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
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@panmidwest: HER: why do you hate every single Hugh Grant movie? ME: i love love actually actually
@notfaizzy: There's been lots of "OH MY GOD!" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying.
@Momtoteens: Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"
@scorpicpanda: Me: "OMG, my abs are so sore!" 12: (sarcastically) "What abs?" Me: "The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."