@TitaniumToplass: It's impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms.
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@thenoahkinsey: Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound.
@jazmasta: [making small talk at a business function] "You're 35 aren't you?" "No, I'm 38" "Oh right" [long silence] "Did you used to be 35?"
@Beesthegame: "Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.