@peachgrenade: It's ironic that my sitcom about Abraham Lincoln was shot in front of a live audience.
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@SkunkFarts: Once I meet a hot chick I automatically give her money. So if she says I'm stalking her I can tell the cops she's a hooker.
@TheCatWhisprer: Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
@SocialustGal13: There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people