@cortronic: It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.
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@Jenn_H_Scott: 7yo: Why can't I have coffee? Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!
@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
@KalvinMacleod: [restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I’ll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep…um…Is cok…ok…Is…I…what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*