@cortronic: It's just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.
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@eddiepepitone: Signs that things aren't going well: 1) your gums bleed when u brush your hair. 2) u pray for the demise of the same 6 people every day.
@tastefactory: My wife caught me looking at a seagull at the beach so now we're in this big fight.
@alfageeek: 9: My room is clean. Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
@aidanjsears: INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired