@iSamJack: It's just sad how often I
see zookeepers breaking their own
'Dont Feed the Animals' rule.
@briangaar: Republicans: Don't let Syrians in!
Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in!
Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we’ve got an election to win)
@briancthayer: [3 days into dieting]
*sees ad for burger & fries*
*drowns in his own saliva*
@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
@68Cly29: So maybe downloading the ruler app to measure the snow wasn't such a great idea
@theewren: Stars! They're just like us! Gaseous and dying