@EliTerry: It's kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
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@EJGomez: taylor swift: oh my god look at that face you look like my next mistake me [with mouth full of like way too many Doritos]: what
@jwomackou: Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron
@shutupmikeginn: There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango
@lemonmartinis: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together - Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll