@mariokeyparty: It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't
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@GriffonTaylonYo: Barista: Can I get a name? Me: Free [Later] Barista: I've got a caramel macchiato for Free *fights break out as I smile from the corner*
@Tmoney68: Her: What's your fantasy? Me: Sexy nurse! H: Meet me in the bedroom. [10 minutes later] *we both come in wearing nurse costumes* M: Uh.
@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.