@LoneWolfStories: It's like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.
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@kwirkyKerri: I'll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won't be listening. Because...cupcake.
@SaraMansford: 911: What's your emergency? Me: This guy just died in my arms tonight. 911: How did he die? Me: It must've been something I said.
@jessforaminute: *Calls the DMV* Hi yes I've lost ten pounds please send a new license with my updated weight thanks
@joekellyjk47: As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that.