@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
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@SaraMansford: 911: What's your emergency? Me: This guy just died in my arms tonight. 911: How did he die? Me: It must've been something I said.
@kimtopher22: My neighbor accidentally called me "love" in a text looking for his cat and now we have more reason to never make eye contact again.