@TheBoydP: It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”
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@krisv_723: *At hospital visiting a patient. Pulls emergency cord in bathroom* Nurse: What's the emergency ma'am? Me: This toilet paper is on backwards.
@Steven37366100: "What's the worst that could happen?" I ask my son, as we enter the bear enclosure in matching Winnie the Pooh costumes
@PhilipNByrne: SCIENTIST: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs SCIENTIST 2: Hmm not kinky enough
@AndrewNadeau0: All these pregnancy photos are so annoying. It's like, "Ugh, we get it, you ate a baby."