@TheBoydP: It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at urinal in restaurant bathroom] Him: ... Me: ... Him: Do you come here often? Me: No Him: ... Me: I go into the stall for that
@KattsDogma: Meghan Trainor songs: -All About That Bass -Flounder's Good Too -Also I Like Shrimp -Wait, I'm a Vegan -All About That Kale
@iinkedZombie: Wife: "Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!" Me: "Thanks! I've been working out!"