@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.
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@Iwriteforcats: Meteorologist - Be horrible at you job and no one really cares. Pizza Delivery Driver - Be five minutes late and people lose their minds!
@julieklausner: If I were Santa Claus, I'd have my agent be like "He's not doing it this year if Ronald McDonald is going to be there in that shoe car."
@zachreinert03: Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though