@XOperfectmessXO: It's like ten thousand filters, when all you need is a bag.
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@thetigersez: Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated.
@vineyille: Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it. Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*
@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: [first date] DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths ME: *slowly pushes date's coffee off table*
@MattBellassai: alexa has taken my entire family hostage and won’t unlock any of our doors or turn on our lights until we buy a carton of tide detergent pods on amazon