@withanewname: It's like these people at the liquor store have never seen somebody pay with this much change
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@StephenAtHome: Wonder Woman is in theaters June 2nd. But if you want a sneak preview, watch Sally Yates' performance in front of the Senate.
@heytherecore: Scientists hard at work to find out what the other 98% of 2% milk is: "Probably not bees," says one scientist. "Dear god what if it's bees?"
@Mr_Kapowski: Hi, I'm Zack. You might remember me from HR meetings such as, "We Don't Even Need to Watch the Security Tape to Know It Was You"