@withanewname: It's like these people at the liquor store have never seen somebody pay with this much change
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@thatdutchperson: [finds sock with hole in it] *gets angry* [puts sock back in same drawer] *repeats forever*
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@dmc1138: Me: "I updated the employee handbook like you asked." Boss: "This is just a book with pics of everyone's hands." Me: "Pretty cool, right?"