@__MICHAELJ0RDAN: Its like they say, don't judge a apple by its color because it might be a orange.
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@elle91: They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this
@david8hughes: Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college.
@chuuew: Dorothy: We have to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz Toto: OK but I wouldn't make a song and dance about it Dorothy: [inhaling] Toto: FFS
@LetMeStart: [on phone with friend] Friend: Did you just throw up? Me: No, that's the sound I make when going from standing to sitting now.