@__MICHAELJ0RDAN: Its like they say, don't judge a apple by its color because it might be a orange.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Watching 101 Dalmatians with a cute girl] Hold up, hold up. Pause it, please. Thanks. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
@eyepluckeramit: Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say "Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"
@frenchielaboozi: seems like you must have been preeeetty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
@evanrhorne: As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"