@causticbob: It's my mate's birthday today. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or cheat on his missus. We've got no idea how to celebrate it.
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@david8hughes: [wife leaving for the weekend] "Baby formula is in the cupbo--" "I think I know how to make a baby. Now go & enjoy your dad's funeral."
@JElvisWeinstein: The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma.