@writerPT: It's my mom's personal mission in life to save me 20% on all my purchases by clipping out and giving me every coupon known to mankind.
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@better_off_dad: It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son.
@wendyraepearce: My twitter crush just broke up with me for saying WWE wasn't real. The irony is not lost here.