@NintenDom: It's never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she's on a whole other level.
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@KeetPotato: co-pilot: "ask in a way that won't panic everyone" pilot: "ok" [via intercom] "is there a fireman on the plane?"
@madcaplaughs30: This lady didn't know how to use the gas pump, so I winked at her and whispered "nobody does" while pouring gas into my jacket pocket.
@BillMc7: *goes on Facebook AGAIN* *reads 100,000th idiotic post* *thinks other people are stupid*
@robfee: Johnny Depp could lose 250 hands of strip poker in a row and wouldn't even have all his thumb rings off yet.