@TuffyNyC: It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.
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@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.
@BadMikeyBad: Thanks to SnapChat filters I'm now sexually attracted to girl rabbits, bats, and cocker spaniels
@DadInUtah: Me: What are you doing in your pajamas still? 3 year old: Eating frosting. Me: Fair enough.
@JermHimselfish: I bet when kittens go to work in kitten offices that there's always one kitten whose cubicle is decorated with pictures of lonely old ladies