@robdelaney: It's normal to have conflicting feelings on Columbus Day. True, he discovered the Greatest Nation on Earth, but he also supported Obamacare.
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@lanyardigan: Now imagine how close together the presidents' bodies are, under their Mount Rushmore heads.
@avxlanche: the difference between me and humpty dumpty is that his friends looked at him and thought to themselves "we should put him back together"
@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.