@MadGamer79: It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.
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@yassinovic89: Women's logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
@LizHackett: I attempted smoky eye makeup for a holiday party tonight, but instead it looks like I survived a bar fight, so I'm going with that story.
@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.