@MadGamer79: It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still.
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@wesleybordelon: Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?
@internetluke: [sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?
@generaldietz: Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?