@PencilWalrus: "IT'S NOT A RACE, YOU GUYS!" i yell from 6th place
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@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.
@QwertyJones3: [interview for an accounting job] Your resumé says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? "You do the math"
@TheRolo: *Rides unicorn to work* *Gives Bigfoot hi-five* *Chats with mermaids* *Argues with Medusa* *Gets called in to HR* *Fails drug test*