@PencilWalrus: "IT'S NOT A RACE, YOU GUYS!" i yell from 6th place
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@TheHyyyype: WIFE: what the hell happened here? ME: i broke an egg [earlier] ME [shaking egg]: tell me what u know, u piece of shit
@TheAlexNevil: This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
@flashember: [Wildebeest being lowered Mission Impossible-style from a helicopter to graze the grasses of Buckingham Palace]