@PaperWash: It's not about retweets or followers, it's about alienating your children so they learn to be independent and responsible
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@sixfootcandy: (guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Do the republicans shocked that Trump is their nominee also get surprised when they put cake batter in the oven and it becomes a cake?
@DumbConfessions: Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid.