@PaperWash: It's not about retweets or followers, it's about alienating your children so they learn to be independent and responsible
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@vineyille: Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it
@ermahgarton: According to my bank account, I'm Rich! Rich Anderson, the name of the man whose identity I stole.
@UncleDuke1969: To all of you who tweet constantly about drinking wine... Somebody has to say it. GRAPE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY.