@GrowlyGrego: It's not an octopus. It's a water spider. And yes, so called "marine biologist", if you live in the ocean you swallow 8 of them every year.
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@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
@Alexclaimer: *walks up to IKEA return counter *rips receipt into tiny pieces *tells the clerk to put it together himself
@noog: Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL