@LoveNLunchmeat: It's not enough to get up at 8 am & freeze on the soccer field. One must also scream from the sidelines so everyone knows you care.
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@eddiesteadyno: A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese.
@LaceyNycole: Guy: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I'm a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS. Guy: ..... Me: Cowabunga, douche!
@TheToddWilliams: "Your new girlfriend seems a bit, I don't know...bookish?" She has a name you know! "What is it?" ...Paige.
@koalaslament: I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth