@Ristolable: It's not illegal to convince your child that she is the only person who can see the sun and must never talk about it.
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@MelKassel: Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50
@JohnLyonTweets: *walks into alma mater carrying English degree* I'd like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.
@VectorBelly: I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane.
@hipchkk: Last night my mom made dinner, serving up a nice plate of "You had so much potential" with a steaming side of "You shoulda married Jeff."