@iRowlf: It's not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you've reached your destination.
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@TheThomason: Fun way to make someone question everything: comment "you are so brave" on all their selfies.
@Shock_Monster: It's been clinically proven that the most effective form of birth control I can use is: "Just be myself."
@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.