@JasonLastname: It's not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
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@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
@RidiculousSheri: I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love.
@abhorrent_wife: Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.