@shenanigansen:

@PhilJamesson: A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly. [I scramble to take off my full-body fly costume]

@TheAlexP: *dog pokes me with nose* *stop, it's late* (Dog looks at me with sad eyes) *ugh, ok* [sets up poker table for him and his friends]

@Voiceofgarth: I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.

@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.