@LaniBeno: It's not procrastination if I never had any intention of doing it in the first place.
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@_davidlucas_: Don't forget to contemplate the meaning of life while standing in the cycle lane with your car door wide open today.
@shatterpants: I think that whenever you become a parent, doctors should just prescribe whatever pills you want.
@KeetPotato: [reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach] to myself: "updog.. what's updog?" [another bottle hits my foot]
@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.