@CheryeDavis: It's not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
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@jonnysun: i hate workimg at the lightbulb factory!! evrey day i hav to thimk of good ideas so they can harvest the lightbulbs that apear abov my head
@abbycohenwl: Don't do anything rash - inept doctor trying to keep a skin eruption from spreading
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.
@FatherWithTwins: My wife gave me her Christmas list. I said, "isn't my undying love & affection enough?" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store