@UncleDuke1969: It's not really 'fast food' if fat people can catch it.
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@Carbosly: Me blacking out when I'm drunk is God's way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
@ohen39: [meeting girlfriend's parents] her dad: we'll be seeing more of each other then? me: *points to girlfriend* I have a girlfriend
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"