@UncleDuke1969: It's not really 'fast food' if fat people can catch it.
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@StellaGMaddox: My minivan is always rocking, but it's usually because I'm trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
@chewlongkok_: Me: C'mon, baby. Just the tip? Her: No! Me: Awww, cmon! Her: No, you're paying the whole bill this time.
@TheWoodenslurpy: If I commit suicide, it’ll be for a shallow reason, like unrequited texts. But the note I leave will mention world hunger at least 11 times.
@TheAlexP: Whenever I see a newspaper on a driveway, left out in the rain, I figure that house just forgot how to read.