@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that he liked big butts; it's that he could not lie. THAT'S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood.
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@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@mydanimarie: DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point
@squirrel74wkgn: [news anchor] "Up next, can more sex lead to a healthier & happier-" *wife changes channel*