@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that he liked big butts; it's that he could not lie. THAT'S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood.
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@bholejuice: When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don't like, I just say "oh yeah, that's where that really cute girl works". Problem solved.
@Book_Krazy: [Gym] Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake! Me: "Jake?" *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into my bag & back out of the room*
@Flykins: COP: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "It was way easier than solving a murder?"
@CheetoBandito77: Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.