@PimpleEye: It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober.
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@GingerHotDish: M: Bless me Father for I have sinned. P: You're not even Catholic. M: You don't want to hear what I did? P: Oh, I do. I've read your tweets.
@MelvinofYork: As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some.
@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides