@PimpleEye: It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just I find that my aim when throwing bottles in your face is allot more accurate when I'm sober.
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@AbrasiveGhost: God: I call it a Caterpillar Angel: What is it? God: A worm with feet Angel: You're really out of ideas huh? God: Then it grows wings
@DumbConfessions: *sees couple holding hands* *violently breaks them apart* "Go. You're free now."
@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me? Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.