@meganamram: "It's not you, it's me." - Humidity, to Heat
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@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.
@koalaslament: I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth
@beefman138: Steve : I'm going to call it the Steveharmonic orchestra. *Phil creeps up from behind with baseball bat*
@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.