@kelkulus: "It's not you, it's me." - Identical twins arguing over a photo.
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@noogscorner: Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly. Batman: It's okay. Superman: Why? Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive.
@crunchenhancer: She's got a great personality! It's the other 6 personalities that I'm worried about....
@neverknownfacts: Whenever a character in a book praises the cleverness of another character’s idea, it’s really just the author praising their own idea.
@NicestHippo: "Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..." *wakes up in cold sweat*