@stephandyer: "It's not you, it's meat" - vegan break up
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@UncleDuke1969: "I'm THIRSTY!" "Can I have a drink?" "DAAAAAAAAD!" "I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!" See? My son can turn water into whine, too. Your move, God.
@Jenny4ashley: [leaving store without bag] Cashier: Forgetting something? "Oh wow, how embarrassing" *walks back to give her a hug and kiss on the lips*
@Sickayduh: At 14 I asked my dad about a tattoo. He said ok as long as I got it someplace that doesn't matter. So I got it in Detroit.